Young Rusts
by Pinboo
Summary: If anything, blame it to the youth. [Kamusoyo modern married life!AU one-shot]


A/n: Kamusoyo's hell is burning me so much, really. It's an AU-based one-shot for Kamusoyo in a modern setting. This will start out rather light-hearted, I suppose, but I'm always a sucker for angst, so expect the turn to angst (or what I hope to be angst) somewhere in the story. It's quite long, but it's a one-shot.

* * *

 **Young Rusts**

 _[If anything, we blame it to the youth]_

* * *

Even if this was all plainly, obviously, indisputably _wrong_ , neither of them wanted to acknowledge it.

"I know my brother is crazy, but you too, Soyo-chan?!" Kagura expressed in utter morbid at the certificate that was displayed oh-so-proudly by her best friend. Shaking her head, Kagura realized that the comment was not entirely correct. "Forget it. You have been crazy as well, all along."

The certificate was issued by the Tokyo's Family Registration Section. It was a simple piece of paper which content basically said out the fact out loud to any who read it.

Kamui (no family name) and Tokugawa Soyo were officially and legally married.

"Since I'm pretty sure no one congratulates you, let me be the first one, Soyo-sama," Okita Sougo said to his benefactor, his hand was pushing his girlfriend's face back as the said girlfriend tried to rip the certificate off.

Tokugawa Soyo, now, er… still technically Tokugawa Soyo (her lawfully-wedded husband had no family name to offer) laughed good-naturedly as she handed her childhood friend red ropes –which Okita quickly used to bind his girlfriend before she could burn the certificate. Kagura actually attempted to tear the marriage certificate with her teeth, and thus Soyo handed Okita a gag ball for him to use (and for being such an understanding friend, Soyo told Okita that he could keep those items to be used for other purposes against his girlfriend later that night).

"Wedding souvenirs," the dark-haired (and rotten-hearted) lady explained to her bodyguard-in-title. "We still have plenty if you want. Most turned down the wedding invitations anyway."

Not that there was any wedding bash to be held anyway. The 'wedding' had only been a 20-minute (35-minute, with queuing time) service –the only time that the groom and bride could afford in between the chase of the bride's family's guards (as well as the national police and eager press seeking for a hot headline). The venue was not at any grand hotel, but rather, at a dimly lit civil registration office; the exchange of vows was rushed; the wedding kiss was nonexistent. The only guests slash witnesses were only the bride's childhood friend slash neighbor slash bodyguard, and the bride's best friend who also served as the groom's younger sister. For the record, the latter was dragged involuntarily (and had no single clue that a wedding was to be convened, until the late realization struck in).

"Thank you, sister, thank you Mr. Bodyguard for coming to our humble wedding," cheerfully exclaimed the groom (who had made the local headline that day for allegedly abducting the heiress of the Tokugawa family and forcefully coaxed the supposed victim into signing an official state document against her will). Kamui hugged Soyo from behind, comfortably placing his chin on top of her head. "But we're afraid we have to flee again now. My in-laws are rather persistent and we need to catch the plane for our horny-moon."

The pun was gross, but at least it gave Kagura the required strength to yank the ropes off her wrists and screamed at the laughing, escaping, immature, reckless, _young_ lovebirds.

* * *

If there was anything to blame, it was not love –youth should take the blame.

She had only been 18 –a freshman in college –, and he had only been 22 –a recent graduate now working in a rather prominent management consultant firm.

They met at a college party hosted by a classmate of her friend, who had a cousin who was indebted to someone who happened to be an online game mate of him. Kamui saw Soyo first. She was a peculiar existence in the party where most girls seemed eager to be striptease dancers, what with her below-knees length skirt, buttoned-up shirt and modest cardigan. He did not give her much of a thought except that she did not look like she fitted in, at least not until five hours later: when the party lights had lost their charm, and there were only unconscious drunkards around.

Kamui's walk had been swayed. But he was one of the very few who could still stand up (much less to walk). One of those other few was this well-raised girl who sat by herself in the gazebo facing the swimming pool.

He dropped his sluggish body onto the vacant seat beside her; a stolen bottle of Black Label was placed on the same table where he put his extended legs on.

"Did you have any?" he asked with a grin that always made people thought he was at least five years younger his real age. "Drink up," Kamui said as he jutted out his chin to the direction of the bottle.

"I've had my fair share of vodka, actually," said the girl with a reciprocal smile. "And five tequila shots, plus at least a third bottle of Jägermeister. And some awful mixes I could not really decipher because the bartender did not really know what he was mixing."

Kamui chuckled but took note on the said half empty Jägermeister in her hand. Still, he did not believe her because he knew no one who could mix drinking five tequila shots with other liqueur without vomiting. "So, you're a friend of whom here?" he started the conversation again. It was nearly four in the morning. He was sleepy, but he was the type who became more unnecessarily talkative when he was drunk.

"Does it matter?" said the girl with a smile that could pass on any commercial –commercial with hidden brainwashing agenda, that was. "Half of us just come here to confirm a nobody's social standing in college."

The implied mockery was harsh, but Kamui –never the nice type – laughed at it. "Cool. So, say I want to improve my social standing here, I can invite you to my party next time?"

"Smooth," she pointed out.

He smiled. "I'm Kamui."

She smiled back. "I know," she responded with the acknowledgement that made him raise a curious eyebrow. "Tokugawa Soyo," she introduced herself.

The idle chat only lasted for seven minutes –something that revolved around the general comments of the party, of the humiliation caused by some, of unrelated matters on each of their respective background. On the eight minute since he opened his mouth to talk to her, she opened her mouth to allow his tongue entered hers.

And Kamui decided as his tongue explored her –that this girl was probably not lying when she listed all those drinks she claimed to have drunk.

* * *

Kamui learned that their supposed first meeting was not actually the first when Soyo admitted to him on their sixth (actually ninth) encounters that she was a close friend of his sister. She had time gaps in between her classes and she decided to visit his nearby apartment, knowing he had a day off. They were watching the re-run of an old TV show when Soyo told him the information. Kamui clicked his fingers as the apprehension hit him. "Ah, yes. I think I remember. My sister never had any female friend. I think I remember the only girl friend that she brought home when she was in middle school. That was you?"

Soyo nodded as she snuggled closer to him; the show was not that interesting anyway. "I kind of had a crush on you back then, _Nii-sama,_ " she teased.

"You and your big brother complex," he told her with a grin. "Speaking of which, your brother called to my office earlier this week."

"He did?" Soyo asked, cautious suddenly. "…What did he say?"

"I was actually expecting worse, but it was fine. Still awkward though," Kamui recounted the experience when Tokugawa Shigeshige, the main heir of the gigantic Tokugawa conglomerate (who also placed several of their men at the parliaments) made a direct call to his office number. "He just asked me few questions about my background and my plan with you."

Soyo gave Kamui her undivided attention. "And what was your answer?"

"Well, I said it in a more appropriate wording. But basically I told him that I don't know, but I like you enough and I like spending time with you. I don't know what will happen in the future, but we live in the present anyway."

His past relationships always went downhill after he clarified these things to his exes –that while the relationship was not exactly something in the spur of a moment, it was still something he chose to live _in the moment_. The girls he dated had shared his view –originally. Until the female nature to ask for commitment kicked in, and when he could not give them the sufficient reassurance, the girls broke up the relationship that was never actually there to begin with.

Tokugawa Soyo was no different. A much riskier choice (Kamui swore he felt some strangers following him back to his apartment the night before), but at the same time, a fitting choice to fill his time. He did not think of commitment when he was with her, but he admitted that _if_ he ever had to take that marriage path, Tokugawa Soyo probably, _probably,_ wouldn't be that much of a bad choice.

* * *

The promise of a commitment was spoken on their one year and seven months of going out.

It was not exactly a promise of a commitment, but it had been the closest thing any girl could expect coming from his lips.

"So, we've been going out for a while. I like you, and you like me. And while I can't stand some of your antics, and I know you can't stand some of mine, but our sex is great and I think it compensates," Kamui began. "Wanna marry me?"

Soyo crossed her arms in front of her chest and while she feigned a serious look on her face, the tug of smile was present on her lips. "Why do you want to marry me? Only the sex that compensates?"

Kamui shrugged. "You're not whiny," he said. "And you're a pro when it comes to arguing with the restaurant staffs and getting us discounted prices."

"And?"

Kamui scratched his head. "And Abuto likes you," he wondered more. "And marrying you will make my sister irritated for the rest of her life –and that in itself is a lifetime comedy. And I can use your shampoo all the time," he tilted his head when he noted that she was still waiting for reasons. "And I don't mind having your brother as in-laws. Though the rest of your families is a different matter, I think we can make around that."

"And?"

"And I know you want it too."

Soyo leaned back on the chair in the busy Chinese restaurant where one had to yell five times to get the order done. It was far from an ideal place for a proposal; his assurances were far from constituting sufficient reasoning to exchange a vow of a lifetime; his timing was the worse (she was just chewing the dumpling when he began his proposal). Then again, he was Kamui and she was Soyo. Kagura once referred them as a mentally-disturbed, dysfunctional couple.

"Do you mind a prenuptial agreement?" she asked calmly. Regardless of her degree of trust to Kamui, she had all the experience where men chased her only for the Tokugawa family's wealth. Of course, a girl should not be materialistic, but she must at least be realistic.

"I don't mind," Kamui answered truthfully. "Though I'd imagine you'd probably be deregistered from your family's inheritance list if you accept my proposal anyway."

"Do you have a ring?"

"Oh, I do actually," Kamui exclaimed and pulled out the object that should have been shown first thing first. It was a simple gold ring –though one glance at it was enough for her to know that the ring was at least two sizes bigger than her actual finger size.

"…You don't even know my finger size."

"But I know exactly the songs you'd sing in a karaoke. And I know you're allergic to pickle plums, palm sugar and that French cuisine I could never correctly spell, so I'll never food poison you."

Soyo chuckled at the inequivalent comparison, but she still extended her hand to him. He smiled and slipped the two-size bigger ring on her finger. It certainly did not fit, and she knew _they_ did not fit, but she liked him enough and fitting was not always the most important case.

The moment. It was the moment that fitted, and it mattered to them more than anything.

* * *

Post honeymoon, they reached their new home, which was a small-sized apartment they purchased with his eight-month worth salary and the portion of shares in the Tokugawa enterprise she sold. They tried sex on the slightly dusty floor first before they checked up whether the water and electricity were working properly.

They had Thai take-outs on their first night at the new home. The TV was a secondhand one and it changed channels automatically every seven minutes or so and it was soon left unappreciated. They had been too tired for another round of sex so she just sat on the floor while he sat on the sofa and massaged her shoulders.

"How many days off does your boss give?" she asked in between the moans. If there was anything Soyo would be reluctant to trade ever, it was Kamui's inherent talent of massaging her sore shoulders.

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" he mused. "They fired me."

Soyo opened her eyes, turned her body around and looked up at him. "They did? I didn't know it."

"I received the e-mail three days ago," he told her nonchalantly. "You were giving me a blowjob, and I really couldn't think of anything other than that," he joked.

Soyo frowned. "What are you going to do then?"

"For a living?" Kamui asked. "Relax. I still have a lot of savings. We can live comfortably for the next…" he made a mental calculation. "Seven or eight months, I guess."

Soyo tilted her head slightly and he lost the object to be massaged. "I…er… You know that I have been officially deregistered from the inheritance list," she let her sentence hang in the air, hoping he would understand the implication.

"Relax," Kamui told her again. "I'll get a new job. Not in a mood for one now, but I will," he assured her as his fingers persistently trailed a path down her spine –which made her shiver altogether. "Doesn't the idea of three-month lazy intercourses sound good to you?"

Her frowns slowly ceased. Casting a soft chuckle, Soyo raised herself to kneel on her knees and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "It sounds fantastic."

* * *

"So, you have come to your senses now, yes?" Kagura asked first thing first when she and Okita made a visit to the newlywed's apartment. The smug smirk on her face was obvious and it was as if Kagura was positive that she would hear an answer that would give Kagura enough justification to say ' _Told you_ , _Soyo-chan_ '.

Soyo smiled as she served tea to her new house second official guests (the first one had been her brother –the visit was worth a page describing, so she would save it for later). "I know what you want to hear from me, Kagura-chan. And as much as I want to say things that will make you happy, but truthfully, I have not and I still do not regret my decision to marry your brother."

Kagura had enough of suppressing the frustration and she ended up slamming her palms onto the glass coffee table –which cracked immediately upon the impact. "Wake up, Soyo-chan! That bastard is using you for convenience! You should divorce him! Now!"

Placing a hand on her cheek in a delicate gesture, Soyo responded instead, "My, my, Kagura-chan. You're my best friend, but that's the only coffee table we have, so I'm afraid you'd have to replace it." Soyo's eyes twinkled. "Oh, I know! There is this nice coffee table at IKEA. One with implanted lamps, and it's not even that expensive, you can buy me that one as a replacement."

"Soyo-chan, this is not about the coffee table! This is about you! I'm worried about you! And I don't want that bastard to ruin your life!" Kagura screeched.

Soyo refrained herself from making a sexual comment about that (' _Oh, Kamui-san did ruin me hard last night'_ ) and sighed instead. "I know you're worried about me, but really," she looked straight at her best friend's eyes. "I really like everything the way it is now and I won't trade it with anything else."

Okita said not a word as he witnessed how his girlfriend was still arguing with his former master slash childhood friend. Kagura might have only known Soyo when they were 14 years old, but Okita had practically known Soyo ever since the girl was born. Not that Okita was particularly fond of Soyo's choice of a husband, but Okita knew that the gleam on Soyo's eyes was genuine enough –one that he never saw whenever she was still trapped in the Tokugawa household.

"Sadist, be useful and knock some sense to Soyo-chan!" Kagura instructed her boyfriend, after she was defeated by Soyo's arguments (Soyo never once lost an argument against Kagura).

"I'm genuinely happy for you, Soyo-sama. And while I know others doubt it, I know you're mature enough to make your own decision," said Okita (who earned an immediate stomp on his feet from his furious girlfriend). "But, ouch, this is not because of China's big foot on mine, but… the more fun it is now, the more fleeting it will be."

Soyo smiled at Okita (and Kagura nodded in approval on the background).

"…But I'd rather have this fleeting moment of happiness than an eternal comfort in that prison, Okita-san."

Kagura rose for another round of argument on that (something along the line that of all men, why it had to be her brother), but Okita actually shushed his girlfriend and exhaled a sigh. "…I understand."

Soyo and Okita actually talked some more after that –completely ignoring Kagura's continuous screeches in the background. It was not until after Kamui came home from his boxing practice that Kagura decided that it was time to leave. She took a big gulp of tea that Soyo served before she announced that they had to leave because 'she really couldn't sniff the same air her idiot brother did'.

Soyo took them to the door and whispered to Okita on the doorway.

"I put aphrodisiac in her tea," she said with a wink. "And you're welcome, Okita-san. You can bring me a month-stock of ice cream as a gift next time you visit."

* * *

"Soyo?"

"Yes?"

"Is there any of my shirt that isn't burnt from your ironing practice?"

She wondered for a while. "I don't think so. But you're free to wear my dresses –some of them are big enough for you."

* * *

"Kamui-san, please," Soyo sighed as she closed the door of the toilet. "Close the door when you're taking a dump."

* * *

Kamui got a new job on the fourth month after their marriage. It was not one that he excelled much or one that related to either his study or past working experience, but in that small town where they were hiding at, the job as a sport journalist was quite fitting. He liked sport enough –and she was happy for him.

"But the bills are seriously crazy," Kamui commented as he ripped envelope after envelope. "And the taxes, for hell's sake. You should be glad that you're no longer part of the parliament family. I would have personally filed a protest letter to you if that was the case."

Soyo put down her pen from the assignment paper she was working at. Her marriage with Kamui might have forced her to quit her old college, but she had transferred some of her transferable credits to the small town college around, and she was now still an English literature student at the local college three blocks away. Not all credits could be transferred, and eventually she had no choice but to repeat some semesters administrative-wise. Nevertheless, despite her inevitably prolonged college term, she was still glad there was a campus which would accept an ex Tokugawa.

"I can take part-time jobs to help."

"No," Kamui stressed out. "I promised your brother. You have to finish college."

"It's still manageable," Soyo said, though she silently appreciated Kamui's persistence on her getting a formal educational degree. "My classes usually end at four, and I can take some shifts at the convenience stores or something and –"

"But that would mean less sex for me, wouldn't it?" Kamui said with a suggestive smirk. He walked to Soyo and sat behind her, ruffling her hair fondly. "Don't worry about it, really. I know I don't look like it, but I'm still the man of the family."

Family.

For Soyo's entire life, the word had been limited to her dear big brother. Never would it cross her mind that the word meant something different now, and the circle had expanded, and now she had this man she could not only call her husband, but also… her family.

She pushed her assignment papers aside, turned around and sat on his lap before she kissed him full on the lips.

It was kind of different from the usual heated ones they shared and even Kamui had to chuckle. "What was that for?"

"Nothing," Soyo softly said. On the second thought, she decided to clarify it. "For… our family, I suppose."

"Family," he echoed –the word was nearly as unfamiliar to him as unfamiliar it had been to her. He gave it a thought, puzzled at the turns of events, but it was not something that he particularly detested either. "That's not a bad word, I guess."

They did not make love that night, but they spent the entire night on the sofa cuddling and kissing each other –gently, and perhaps for the first actual time ever, lovingly.

* * *

Soyo did not actually attend college to gain friends (there was a reason why Okita and Kagura remained her only friends all these years –normal people could not usually appreciate her natural sadist tendency), but some assignments required teamwork, and in between the study group sessions, the question eventually popped out.

"Eh, so you're married?!" asked the girl who had sat next to her for the past five months – her name was Kaede, if Soyo remembered correctly.

"I am," Soyo beamed as she displayed her wedding ring –Kamui had exchanged the ring with one that actually fitted her two months prior.

"Oh, wow," Kaede exclaimed. "Congratulation! It's too late now, but, wow, well… congratulation," she said, seemingly speechless. "It must be hard on you."

"Why so?"

Realizing that her statement could be regarded somewhat inappropriate, Kaede quickly retorted, "I-I mean, that's good for girls to get married early. I-I certainly want to get married myself, but…you know, I mean, well…you're… still very young."

"So?" Soyo asked again. If it seemed like Soyo was making it awkward for her classmate, Soyo swore she really did not have the intention to (although, for being judgmental on her marriage preference, Soyo did not mind Kaede sweat a bit).

"Ah," Kaede chuckled nervously. "I mean, you have to manage both your study and your family. And well, you're very brave because you know you'd sacrifice a lot of things yet you still choose to get married early."

Soyo thought about it –the only thing she actually sacrificed was the official name of the family, but never the family bond that mattered to her the most. Her brother remained her brother, and that was the most important assurance. "I don't see it that way."

"…What are you going to do after you graduate?"

"Getting some part-time jobs, maybe. But mainly, perhaps a housewife. The situation with my family makes it rather hard for me to get accepted in formal enterprises, but I don't really think I'm suited to work at big firms anyway."

"But you're so smart. You rank the highest in exams. Isn't that regretful?"

"What is?"

"Throwing your dreams away like that?" Kaede slapped her own lips immediately. "Forgive me. I shouldn't have said that. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a woman having a dream to be a housewife, but… you know… with your capabilities and youth, you could have…achieved more."

"What I have now is more than enough," Soyo said –regretting that it sounded harsher than it should have been.

"Ah, I see, I see," Kaede stopped herself there.

They continued studying in a much more awkward situation.

* * *

"You're late."

Kamui closed the door behind him and stared at Soyo –a frown on his face. "Well, yeah. Work. Why are you still awake?"

"I was waiting for you."

"I told you to go to bed first," he said as he took off his coat and she collected it for him. She sniffed the scent and recognized it instantly.

"You were smoking?"

"… A little. I used to smoke, you know that."

"I know," Soyo noted. "But you promised you'd stop."

"Well," Kamui shrugged. "Jobs' demand. And just a little."

She sniffed his coat again. "It smells like you've finished two cigarette packs in one night."

"One and a half," he eventually admitted.

She sighed. "Kamui-san… you have weak lungs and –"

"I know, I know. Won't repeat it again," he sad as he kissed her forehead briefly, as if it would be enough to settle the problem. "Look, Soyo. I'm kinda tired. If you don't want to sleep, I'm going to bed first."

"…You don't remember what day it is today?"

"Hmm? Ah, our dating anniversary? I do remember, really. But sorry, Soyo. I'm very tired right now. We'll make it up on the weekend, okay?" he said as he went straight to the bedroom and without waiting for her, just dropped himself to the bed –sleep soon taking over him.

* * *

One of the things that Soyo liked about Kamui was that when he was trying to make up for something, he actually really gave it all.

They had to unfortunately postpone the promised date to the next weekend again, but on the D-Day, Soyo thought that perhaps, it was worth waiting him come home late at nights all these past few weeks. Kamui was not actually a romantic guy –far from it, but he made efforts.

He stayed over at his colleague's apartment the night before, and he showed up at her (their) home on 10 am the next morning, as if they were not married, as if it was a college student kind of date. He did not bring any flowers, but he took her to see a movie (which he actually slept in the entire course. Not that it was a bad thing. Kamui was the type to ask and comment things during movies, and it was a blessing in disguise for Soyo that he fell asleep during the movie), then they opted for street foods for lunch. They cooled up in the department store and he bought her a very nice sweater that she had actually been eyeing for the past month, before he took her to a fancy dinner later that night.

The best part was of course what happened behind their apartment door after they got home.

They had not had made love as often as the first few months –mostly due to his schedule, and so when they finally got to do it again, it was almost as if having it for the first time. Well, not quite, not really close, but still, it was his forte and she was left very, very pleased.

"Again?" Kamui asked in a rather childish tone that made Soyo wanted to both pinch his cheeks in adoration and scream for him to bang her hard.

Soyo nodded and he chuckled –reaching out for the extra condom on the nightstand. She looked up at Kamui as he tore the package, and just when he was about to wear the new one, she extended her arm to stop him.

"It's okay. Maybe we don't need it," she said.

Kamui looked at her and blinked. "You're on your safe day?"

"No," Soyo answered, before she seated herself up on their bed and slung her arms around his neck. He continued to look at her, and she blushed when she said her next words rather shyly. "What do you think of adding a new family member?"

Kamui continued to gaze at her beaming, expectant face –which eventually soured a little upon the passing of time and his continuous stare. Her shoulders tensed when she asked him the question, "You don't like the idea?"

"…You said you didn't want a child."

"I didn't want to have a child right away," Soyo corrected his quotation of her words months ago. "But we've been married for a year and…" she shrugged. "Isn't it about time?"

Kamui stiffened. "Isn't it about time for what?" he asked the obvious.

Soyo actually still had the patience to spell it out to him. "To have a child of our own?"

When he actually blinked and gave her _that_ gaze, a part of her felt like it was struck by a sudden anxiety attack. "Y-you do want a child, don't you, Kamui?"

He sighed. "Soyo…" he began and she already knew the answer. "I thought we discussed this."

She chuckled darkly. "I… don't think we have a same understanding of whatever discussion you were referring to."

Kamui sighed again, threw the condom back on the nightstand, scratched his head and turned his body to face her again. She knew him enough to know where this was leading. Kamui might be a fun-loving, thrill-seeking type of guy, but it was not as if he was a complete moron who did not know how to have a serious discussion when it was in place. But Soyo avoided setting him into this mode; because if it was the 'Talk', it usually did not end that well.

When delivering bad news, Kamui did not beat around the bush.

"I don't and never plan on having a child, Soyo."

Her response was delayed, and there was a lump in her throat that made her feel like she was literally being choked. "W-why? Y-you are so good with kids, and you like kids! You always play with Zenzou and Sacchan's kids so well, and you were so enthusiastic when we're picking presents for Gin-san's newborn baby and –"

"I know," Kamui interrupted her somewhat panicked rants. "I like kids, but… raising them on our own, it's just… it's different."

"How is it any different?" she asked back, her tone rose.

"It just is," he stressed out. "Kids are not toys and –"

"Are you indicating that I'm going to treat our child as toys and –"

"No, that was not what I meant, and no, 'our child', no, Soyo…" Kamui sighed. "See, we're not ready. We're saving things up. Do you know that when we raise a child, we have to think of their education until they're going to college and –"

"I know that. It's parental responsibility, and I think we can do it and –"

"Soyo, let's not talk about this now," Kamui said as he cupped her face with both his palms. He forced a smile on his face and reminded her, "It's supposed to be our perfect date today, remember? Let's keep it that way, okay?"

Soyo lost the mood already. And she knew Kamui lost his desire as well. But then she remembered all the efforts he had done that day, and while she really was not in the mood for the next round of intercourse, she did not want this to end sourly. No, they waited too long for this day.

"Would you mind if we just…" she shrugged. "…cuddle to sleep or something like that?"

His face relaxed, and he dropped to the bed first, pulling her with him and embraced her closely.

It was too hot, rather suffocating, and both knew that this was not exactly comfortable, but neither moved away.

If it was not them who gave effort to this, who would?

* * *

"I know our relatives are still mad at you. I know it would be quite problematic for you to come back home," Shigeshige spoke in hushed tone to his sister on the other side of the line. "And as much as I want to visit you there, it's… kind of difficult now. So I was thinking, if it's not too much for you…you can come visit us this weekend? I know it's already Thursday, and I'm sorry for the short-notice. But Zenzou and Sarutobi have kindly offered their place in case the guards refuse to let you into the household."

Soyo drew a long breath. As much as she promoted a stress-free life, it had eventually taken its toll on her: her thesis' progress was not so good; Okita had been mutated to another town and Kagura had to commute between the towns on weekend; the electricity was even cut off last night because while they had saved the money, they were late in paying the bill; and then there was this awkwardness with Kamui… Soyo felt bad to momentarily forget that she still had another family that she would dearly cherish and miss as well. "Aniue-sama, I miss you too," she responded; her voice cracked a little –maybe she was in her PMS. "Of course, I'd be glad to fly back this weekend. I'm sorry, I should have done it earlier."

"No problem. I know you're adjusting to a lot of things, and it must have been hard for you there and –"

Her brother's soft and kind voice must have taken its effect on her. Soyo was probably just tired, but tears suddenly fell from her eyes.

It was a silent cry and she had learned not to make her brother worry for years. But on the other hand, her brother also knew how she would behave when she tried to hold things up. "…You can fly back to Tokyo tonight if you want to," Shigeshige offered –not wanting to put his sister in discomfort if he panicked for knowing she was crying. "And… Kamui-san," Shigeshige tested cautiously. "Of course, ask him to come to."

"He's on a business trip this weekend," Soyo stated as she wiped the traitorous droplet of tear from her face. "But yes, I think it's a good idea to visit you tonight. I-I'll let him know. Maybe he can join on Sunday."

"I see. Alright, let me know your flight schedule. I'll have Matsudaira pick you up."

* * *

Her weekend getaway with her brother at Zenzou and Sarutobi's place had turned out to be a rather positive experience for Soyo. Kamui eventually could not come with her, but a part of Soyo felt like maybe it was the best for the time being.

She did not discuss the issue regarding Kamui to her brother –blaming her stress to her college work instead. Soyo knew that her brother was not that shallow (albeit idiotic most of the times), but she promised herself that any issue with her husband was their own household problem. Marrying him had been one of the most daring decisions she had made; the riskiest bet she ever had –and even when Soyo felt she was infected with Peter Pan syndrome at times, Soyo intended to fully be an adult who would bear the consequences of any decision she made.

…

Great. Now she was thinking as if the decision was something she regretted. She did not regret marrying Kamui, really, but talking her marriage issues with her brother was still taboo for her. Besides, she was glad that the weekend was filled with laughter instead of tearful confession. All in all, Soyo was already back to their flat on Monday, taking the earliest flight.

Kamui was rarely home at seven PM on a Monday, so it surprised Soyo to find him sitting casually in front of the TV as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Although technically it had only been for two days, Soyo felt like she had not seen him for a much longer time. There was a soft smile on Kamui's face as he made the comment, "You look refreshed."

It was always the simple things (his smile, him being at home early) that made her knees buckle. Returning his smile, Soyo walked towards him. "The bath's nice. You should take it," she said as she tilted her head to the direction of the bathroom.

"Yeah, I will. I was referring to your overall atmosphere actually. You look… more relaxed. I suppose it was a great time with your brother?"

"Yes," Soyo admitted as she walked to the cabinet to get the hair dryer. She usually dried her hair in their bedroom, but it was rare to see Kamui at home, and she wanted to treasure this moment. "Do you mind if I blow my hair here? Are you watching the TV?"

"It's been a while since I last dried your hair, huh? Come," Kamui said as he tapped his feet to the spot on the floor in front of him.

She might have been too eager for that invitation, because Soyo immediately crossed the distance in no time. She handed him the hair dryer, and he stretched his arm slightly to plug it to the power outlet, before the hot air was blown to her hair and his fingers casually combed her hair. The loud sound of the hair dryer buried her contented sigh; she forgot just how much she loved it when he dried her hair that way.

"Kamui?"

"Yeah?" he turned the hair dryer's switch off for a while.

Soyo did not turn around to look at him, but she leaned back at him. "I know the foundation of our marriage is about the present, the moment. The fun and the thrill," she started. "…And I know you are a bit paranoid with the concept of a future-planning, but… I'd love this moment, us, to last forever."

He was silenced, and Soyo closed her eyes as she said her utmost request.

"So, fight for this, this marriage, together with me, will you?"

* * *

During one year and eight months of their marriage, Kamui and Soyo never truly had a big fight (she refused to call that night when they were discussing their conflicting views on having a child as a fight), but this one, she would say that this could qualify as one.

Kaede, her friend from college had come over to her apartment so that they could study together for their exam that week. She had stayed over for dinner, and on 7.47 PM, the front door was opened. Soyo had intended that it was time for Kaede to meet her husband and she wanted to introduce them properly.

Except that introduction was apparently not needed.

"K-Kamui-san?"

And except that the exclamation did not come from her mouth, but rather Kaede's.

Soyo did not particularly recall the course of events, of how the conclusion was reached, of how the explanation was delivered, but eventually, that night she found out.

Kamui did not work as a sport journalist as he claimed it to be. For the past five months, he had been working as a host in one of the downtown's host clubs.

Kaede took her leave rather immediately, and neither Soyo nor Kamui stopped her. There was this thick air of discomfort: the seconds of silence before the war, the calm before the storm.

Soyo snorted. "So, a sport journalist, huh?"

Kamui sighed in exhaustion. "I _was_. I did not lie. I just got fired and I got myself a new job, and I just… haven't told you that one."

"In _five months_ you really had no chance to tell me that?"

"Well…"

Thereafter, it was inevitable. The hysteria, the shouting. Maybe Soyo was exaggerating, but no, she thought that as carefree her life principle was, having her husband work as a host and say sweet nothings to other girls behind her back had nothing to do with a carefree life principle. And Soyo could not believe how dense she had been for the past few months. Of course –the late hours, the smell of cigarettes… Soyo thought that at least Kamui was smart enough to get rid of the women's perfume, but even this 'smartness' of him made her angrier.

Kamui began with apologies, all in patience. He tried to calm her down and accepted that he was at fault –which was never something he would admit out loud. He swore to her that he had never been infidel to her and that his job was truthfully only about talking and smiling to the lonely girls, and he never, not even once, had any meaningful physical contact or sex with his customers. He assured her that he knew his limit, and that if he was not desperate, he would not even resort to the job, ever.

But Soyo thought that even with all those explanations and assurances, she still had every single right to be angry.

It reached a point where his own patience was thinning, and he actually snapped back.

"Whose family do you think is ruining my career anyway?!" Kamui had his first raise of tone that night.

"Whose family?! You're ruining yourself and –"

"Fuck it, Soyo, you're so fucking _clueless_ , aren't you?!" he sneered. Had Soyo not been so vent up with her own anger, she would have realized that Kamui had used cursing words at her. "It's your oh-so-mighty Tokugawa family who uses its influence to make me lose my past jobs! And before I knew it, all corporations blacklisted me for unknown reasons –"

"Well, perhaps you are not as capable as you think you are –"

"Oh, no, sweetheart," Kamui snorted. "I know my worth. You know my worth. You think it's logical that someone who used to continuously receive working offers with higher and higher bids suddenly cannot even apply for the simplest job?!"

"Even if that's the case, what?! You went behind my back for all these months and you used your skillful mouth to calm other women's heart while you never calm mine!" The realization struck her and in morbid, her thoughts ran wild. "A-and who knows if you're using that mouth of yours for other purpose in other woman's pus –"

"I told you I've never done that!" Kamui screamed. "Look, it's not as if I love that job either, okay?! It's not as if I enjoy –"

"Bullshit, Kamui. Is there any man in this world who does not love girls' attention on him?! Give a better lie, but at the very least, I would have expected you to talk that matter with me first and –"

"You know it's not possible, don't be so dumb," Kamui said with more mocking words and he saw her eyes widened in furious surprise. But he was at the point where he did not want to go back either. What, she thought she was the only one suffering all these times? "I swear I have tried to apply for other jobs! Even they rejected me when I applied for a janitor position! This job is the only one which can keep the food on the table! That can fucking pay the bills! And your expensive tuition –" he stopped himself there.

But Soyo heard it. She was taken aback, while Kamui looked like he wanted to take the words back himself.

There was disbelief in Soyo's eyes when she muttered, "…If your aim is for me to quit college then –"

"I never said that," Kamui stressed out –frustrated why words were so easily misinterpreted. "I swear to you on anything, that even without your brother asking me, I would insist that you finish up your education and –"

"You swear on too many things tonight," Soyo pointed out coldly.

"Couldn't you trust me?!" he screamed.

"Could I?!" she screamed back. "You lied to me all these time and –"

"For our own good! Fuck it, Soyo, I'm fucking trying my best here! I'm fighting for us here, what else –"

"Trust," she interrupted him. "I know your easygoing nature, but if there's anything I know and I love about you is that I know regardless of how flippant you might appear to be, you never lied to me. And you have breached my trust on you –"

"One time!" Kamui cut back. "And that's with a valid reason! Don't be such a difficult person, damnit! I did not marry you for this hassle, you really are no fun!"

Fun.

The word slapped her to the reality. Although she understood that their relationship was built on the fleeting moment of _fun_ , Soyo had expected, she had _believed_ that there was something else, something that –regardless of how much Kagura tried to convince otherwise– was there. A more substantial reason: Comfort. Friendship. Understanding. Trust. Connection. Love, perhaps. Something more than just…fun.

And that night she realized that maybe that was not what Kamui saw in their relationship.

It actually pained her more than learning the fact of his job.

Soyo was exhausted. She saw no point of continuing this argument and her tears had fallen too much and she valued herself. Saying not a word to him, she turned around to collect her purse and made a way pass him.

"We're not finished, Soyo," he reminded.

"I need time to think," she suppressed her tone. "I can't sleep with you tonight."

"You're not taking a step out of this house," Kamui gave the ultimatum. "You take that one step and I –"

"What?" Soyo turned around again and challenged him back.

He gritted his teeth but made no response to that. Thinking that she really could not stand looking at him any longer that night, Soyo made another turn and walked towards the door.

Kamui reached out for her arm, but she resisted. This was not good. She was trying to control her temperament, but he was making it difficult for her. She screamed and demanded for him to release her, but he refused and he pulled her back. She did not want this. He did not want it either. They struggled and his grip around her wrist began to feel painful, and she dug her nails on his skin and pushed him away.

He might have lost it there, because he snapped and he did not remember what he said (something vulgar) and he pulled her with a much stronger force. Soyo stumbled and gravity pulled her, her body was swung involuntarily.

She fell and her head hit the edge of the table.

Snapped off from his trance at the sound of her cry and the fresh blood coming from her temple, Kamui immediately knelt beside her. "Soyo! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to –"

She slapped his hand before he could wipe the blood off her forehead. The rage clouded even the physical pain, but mostly it was the exhaustion that made her take the stance. Soyo said nothing and only grabbed some tissues on the table and pressed it to her wound. She pushed Kamui out of her way and slowly walked out of the apartment.

"Soyo –"

"Don't you dare follow me," she mandated coldly.

Even Kamui did not have the will to stop her.

* * *

At two in the morning, Kagura grumbled as she walked through the cold floor to her apartment's door. She was not usually a light sleeper, but there were only two sadists in this world she knew who would have no remorse on pressing the bell for 28 times in one minute for seven straight minutes in the middle of the night. Probably Okita this time –maybe he had a late night craving and to be honest, it was not the first time (still, she was sleepy as hell).

"Bastard, I know you can't live without me, but it's friggin' two in the morning and –" Kagura paused, because last time she checked, Okita did not have long, dark hair, and Okita –for the record – never cried.

"S-Soyo-chan, what –"

"I was wrong," Soyo immediately screeched. "I was wrong, and you were right. And you have every right to say that 'I told you', because you're right, this is not working. And it was wrong, just wrong. He is wrong, I am wrong, we are wrong and there is nothing –"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" managed Kagura after she was shaken off the series of 'all-is-wrong' speech. It was chilly out there and Kagura wondered how could this girl –much more fragile than her – travel between towns in such light clothing. All in all, Soyo would need a heater and perhaps warm milk, so Kagura dragged her best friend in and closed the door behind them.

She seated Soyo on the pantry chair, and while Soyo was no longer crying, it was indisputable that she had been. A glance on her forehead and the minor bruise on her temple alarmed Kagura. Quickly brushing Soyo's bangs off the way to take a closer look, Kagura gritted her teeth.

"That bastard did this to you?! This is going overboard. I'm going to bury his body in cement –"

Soyo stopped Kagura from leaving. "It's my fault," she explained briefly.

Kagura coldly narrowed her eyes. "I won't accept you defending him this time, Soyo-chan. I don't care –"

"I'm not defending him," Soyo clarified, her voice sounded sober and collected enough, though one glance to her eyes would tell anyone that this girl had lost it. "But that's just the fact. This. All this. It's just… a mistake."

* * *

Sometimes Soyo wished that Kamui was a complete bastard. Well, ask anyone else, they would all say that _he_ _was._ But either Soyo reflected on herself well or that she simply knew Kamui better than anyone had given her credit for (" _You just dated him for less than two years, and you're getting married?!_ " kind of people), all in all, Soyo knew –sadly, she knew – that Kamui was not a bastard. Well, not a complete one, at least.

Her heart shrunk slightly when what she had envisioned before she opened the door came true. There was Kamui inside their apartment; he was still wearing the clothes from the previous day and his bloodshot eyes and apparent exhaustion were sufficient evidence that this man had not slept a wink the whole night.

Upon the sight of his wife, Kamui immediately bridged the distance in their cramped apartment and cupped her face; his hand immediately brushed upon her bangs to find the injury he had caused her the night before (now already bandaged by Kagura). The look on his face was devoid of any smile and his demand was serious.

"Where have you been all night? I really had the intention to knock on the Tokugawa Household's doors and –"

"I was at Kagura's," Soyo replied shortly. "… I asked her to play dumb when you called."

Kamui sighed. Hesitation colored his movement and he instinctively combed his long, vermilion hair again as he tried to figure out the words to say. "Hey, about last night, I'm –"

"Kamui," Soyo interrupted softly as she touched his hand. Forcing a small smile on her face, she told him. "Both of us did not sleep at all last night, huh? Let's just… let's just sleep first. We need to rest."

He blinked at the bizarre request, but since this was better than what he had thought it would be, Kamui nodded and followed Soyo to the bedroom. It was daylight and he had a job to do (well, if he reflected on the previous night's discussion, the job was not to be his any longer). Soyo drew the curtain close and tried to prevent the sun rays from entering the room. They changed clothes into sleeping attires in silence, before both of them plopped down the bed and slept –both actually fell asleep much faster than they predicted.

But they slept backing each other.

* * *

Maybe it was out of sheer joke that Kamui happened to order take-outs for that night's dinner from the Chinese restaurant where he proposed her nearly two years prior. Knowing Kamui, Soyo had a feeling that he probably did not intentionally do that, and it just added to how ironical this would be. They ate facing each other in their small pantry table in silence.

The issue and question had been lurking around their heads for hours –and despite Soyo's initiative to rest themselves earlier, they knew they could not avoid the issue forever.

"I –" she began.

Kamui stared at her, waiting.

Soyo exhaled the breath she did not know she was holding and, perhaps like him, she was just as straightforward. "I don't think this marriage is working."

Kamui stared at her. "…Is that an overnight conclusion?" he asked.

She wanted to say that it was, but she thought even Kamui deserved to hear the truth. The fight the night before might have been the final trigger, but Soyo knew that there were too many issues here. It was fun, it was exhilarating, but marriage was not about fun and never just about the moment. It was about commitment, and as much as she, and he, were fighting for it, there was just a limit to fun. Responsibility kicked in, and they were simply…well, not ready for it.

Soyo promised herself not to shed a single tear when she did the talk, but her emotion got the best of her. "…I'm sorry."

Kamui chuckled in disbelief. "Why are you the one apologizing?" he asked; the rarest expression of self-loathing was conveyed on his face.

"For breaking our vow, our promise. For not fighting this as hard as I wanted to, even when I asked you to. For the hardships my family caused to you," Soyo recited, recounted. "For taking away your freedom and –"

"My freedom?" he interrupted her there.

She stared at him and clarified, "You said it yourself. You didn't marry me for this…hassle."

Kamui ran his fingers through his hair in desperation. He knew where this was leading, and it felt as if he was trying to hold onto the air –the nothingness, the things he would fail to hold. "Soyo, I said a lot of things I really did not mean at all last night, and –"

Soyo smiled and shook her head. "I also said a lot of things I did not mean last night, but this is not just about it," she said with a chuckle –nothing cynical about it, she did think she was a hassle herself. Kamui looked like he was about to open his mouth, but Soyo continued, "Of course, you know that I will never be a martyr, and I do think you still owe me a lot of explanations on what you did –"

"On that, Soyo, I –"

"But regardless of that, I don't think it's about who's wrong," Soyo softly spoke; silencing Kamui again. "I did blame you last night, but now that I think about it again, it's not that this marriage is entirely wrong. We're not necessarily wrong, we're just…" she shrugged.

Soyo thought about it; thought about what was the source of it, of how things could just shatter. The dream that had once been within their grasps was evaporating into thin air. It stopped being fully fun the moment Soyo realized how much she loved him, and how much she wanted to keep this marriage intact. And ironically, suddenly there were too many to protect, too many to grasp. She wanted to fight this, but she couldn't, and she knew he couldn't either. They had no power, they had no authority, they were just…

"…young," she whispered, concluded and figured out the whys.

"…young?" he echoed. The word that once promised them everything ( _anything, infinitely_ ) now backstabbed them.

She nodded. "Too young for this. We're just… not ready."

Kamui looked straight at her and she failed to read his expression. The words, when they came from his lips, were rather monotonous, devoid of emotion, as if he, too, had been too tired with all of these.

"Then what do you want?" he asked.

Soyo chuckled darkly at how he was putting her in the position to give the final judgment. Well then again, it was not that she was not attributable for it.

"I want a divorce."

He continued to stare at her for a while, for a long while.

"Are you sure?" Kamui asked, his voice was strained.

The tears Soyo really did not want to shed fell eventually. "We need to divorce to stay sane."

Kamui opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it again. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and thought –and perhaps, he thought that at this point, he owed her the maturity, the actual evidence of growing up that he had denied her from. "…I understand."

Her jaw stiffened, but she could not back out now. "Yes."

"I'll, uh… take care of the documents soon," Kamui announced as he stood up from the chair. "And I… I think I'd better sleep at my colleague's house –not the host club, not a woman's place," Kamui clarified quickly, though, hey, was there any purpose in that anymore? "I'll just stay at Abuto's. We can… sort out the administrative process within the week."

"Yes…" she forced herself to say it. It was a good thing that Kamui was already heading to the door, because she did not want him to see her this way. This conversation had gone rather fast, no resistance, she did not even know whether she wanted a resistance or not, maybe she was not thinking over this, maybe she was not only young, but also dumb, maybe, and all the maybe…

"I," Kamui said slowly just before he walked out of the door and closed it. Soyo still did not turn around (she could not show him this face), and he sighed, and told her. "One thing actually. You might think that this is all about fun to me, but Soyo…" he smiled softly –though she was never to see it. "…I never regard marriage as something fun. If it's just for fun, I would have never even proposed you in the first place."

Soyo actually gritted her teeth to prevent her whimpers from getting audible.

"But you're right," Kamui continued. "Neither of us is ready for this."

She nearly waited for him to say another word.

He did not.

And the door was softly swung close.

* * *

Their divorce application was completely filed at the end of that week. Since they had a prenuptial agreement and no children, and since Kamui and Soyo agreed to just share the proceeds of their apartment's sale without much of claim against each other, all legalistic issues were settled promptly. Their marriage deregistration from the civil registration book and the effective date of their divorce was only a week after their submission of application.

Each of them took the respective copy of the necessary documents, before they walked out of the government building –the place where they had laughingly entered with raspy breaths upon escaping her family's bodyguards nearly two years prior. Except that this time they descended the stairs down. And as opposed of her running away from her family, the Tokugawa guards were already waiting with the limousine outside the building. Soyo swore she did not tell anyone other than Kagura and Okita about this divorce plan, but this was not the first time Tokugawa's intelligence agency astounded her.

"Soyo-sama," greeted one of the bodyguards –an implicit acknowledgement that she was accepted to the Tokugawa family again.

Soyo stopped in front of the car and despite her resolve not to do it, she still couldn't help but to turn around and watch where her ex husband was.

Kamui was walking to the other direction –where Soyo also saw the presence of his caretaker, Abuto. She waited, for what, she did not really understand, but he never turned to look at her again. Only after Kamui entered Abuto's car and the car drove away, that Soyo realized that this was it, and there was no turning back –and with that, she entered the limousine.

Just like that, it ended there.

* * *

Soyo's life did not end there, of course.

Young, she was still young, and there were many things that she still had to do: college and obtaining her degree, managing the family affairs in the Tokugawa Household (her brother had received much opposition from the branch families, and Soyo had her time preoccupied with defending her brother), and then, there was Kagura and Okita's marriage.

Inevitably, she saw Kamui at the wedding. The actual meeting had not been that groundbreaking (they just saw each other from the distance, and he smilingly waved at her, to which she waved back at him again with an equally bright smile). But the after effect of it was another story: Soyo actually had the heart to torture the newlyweds by locking herself in _their_ honeymoon suite and cried all by herself there (though, as compensation, she arranged an upgraded honeymoon for Kagura and Okita in Maldives later that night).

Aside from at Kagura and Okita's wedding, they also met in two separate occasions. The other first was when they visited Abuto who was hospitalized (the timing sucked; Soyo had actually planned it so that she would not have to meet Kamui, but she had a feeling Abuto had an involvement in the timing of the visit), and the other second was when they finally found a buyer to their old apartment and they had to sign the sale and purchase agreement together.

Sometimes… just sometimes, she had a wishful thinking. Like, what if they could see things differently now, what if they came to a better understanding, what if… just, what if, they could start over. These thoughts often times evaporated whenever she saw him and saw how content he actually was. Not even the kind of forged happiness; Kamui did look like the one she had a crush back then when she was just a middle schooler: a free man who lived his life the fullest.

As selfish and manipulative as Soyo was, even she did not have the heart to take that away from him again. Their marriage had been her chains over him, and perhaps, perhaps she cared for him more than she thought she did, to actually feel bad for having the thought of putting that chain over him again.

Not that she could anyway.

* * *

Souchiro was born ten months after Kagura and Okita's wedding. Soyo, having her final thesis submitted and her degree (with a Valedictorian title) in her hand, finally had all the time in the world to visit her first nephew. Well, she knew that Kamui was not her husband anymore, but Kagura was always a sister to her, so she thought the reference was still acceptable.

"Soyo-sama, thank goodness," Okita sighed when he passed Soyo on the doorway of the Okita's new household. "Hijikata-san is being useless as usual, and I have to work on Saturday. But I really do not believe China for taking care of _my_ son and I'm glad you're here."

"No problem," Soyo expressed in all honesty. Okita smiled briefly before he rushed out of the apartment. Soyo turned to the ajar door and dashed immediately inside the house to meet her best friend and her son.

"I love you so much, Soyo-chan, but I can't believe how happier my son looks like when you come," commented Kagura.

"Because Sou-chan and I are going to be partners in crime in the future, right Sou-chan?" Soyo whispered to Souchiro as she allowed Souchiro's little hand clutched her pinky finger.

Knowing that Souchiro was not much of a crybaby whenever Soyo was around, and remembering those baby bottles that Gintoki had borrowed for too long, Kagura requested Soyo to take care of Souchiro while Kagura had to collect somethings from the good-for-nothing Sakata Gintoki who lived just in the next building. Kagura promised to be back soon before she ran out of her apartment.

When Kagura returned again (nearly half an hour later, because Gintoki feigned forgetfulness of where he put the objects), Souchiro was already asleep, and Soyo was sitting next to the baby, calmly gazing at him with the softest smile that Kagura had not really seen from her in a long while. The vermilion-haired mother even nearly felt like she would disrupt something, and actually planned to leave Soyo for a while.

But Soyo, as always, noticed things earlier than most people, Kagura included. "I was just thinking," she slowly said. "If this would be how it felt to have my own baby."

Kagura slowly placed the bag filled with bottles she just collected from Gintoki and walked towards the living room where Souchiro and Soyo were. Sitting just next to her, Kagura wordlessly pulled Soyo into an embrace and the moment Soyo's forehead touched Kagura's shoulders, the hiccups began.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Souchiro's asleep and yet I –"

Kagura dragged Soyo to the other corner slightly farther from Souchiro before she began. "…I'm sorry I haven't realized sooner, Soyo-chan. You never cried in front of me again after your divorce and I thought you're already fine."

"I am alright," Soyo assured, and paused a little. Kagura did not deserve to hear this from her. "I just…suddenly miss him so much. I've always been, but maybe I have PMS and maybe I…" Soyo stopped herself from saying her next words and exchanged them with others. "Sorry," she decided as she wiped the tears. "I know what you think of your own brother and what you thought of our past relationship. You ended up being the right one and I –"

"Maybe," Kagura interrupted. "Well, I'd still think my brother is a good-for-nothing bastard, but maybe… a part of me just didn't want to admit that it was my brother, of all people, who could make you the happiest."

Soyo stared at Kagura, and the latter exhaled a long sigh and continued her words. "Maybe, I just refused to see how genuine your smile had been, and how truthful his was equally. A fun-seeker like the both of you… I had every belief that it would not have worked out –"

"Well, it certainly did not work out," Soyo pointed out with a chuckle.

Kagura shrugged in agreement. "True, in the end it did not work out. But even once I believed you two could work out," she said as she gazed afar to the wall. "Well, it does not change anything now, so –"

Soyo smiled sadly, yet acceptingly. "You're right. It does not change anything now…"

* * *

Somewhere as the conclusion of that conversation she had with Kagura, Soyo eventually promised to move on. Well, for these past 16 months since she was a widower, she did say a lot of times that she would and could move on, but this was the first time where she _genuinely_ wanted to.

It was probably the thought that made her come to that month's Omiai with a much more open mind. Three months since her acceptance back to the Tokugawa Family, her aunts had arranged matchmaking for her at least once a month and to say that Soyo had been irritated with all these (re)marriage matchmaking was an understatement. The previous suitors had been put under such hard trials not by the bride candidate's family, but by the bride candidate herself. Now that she thought about it, Soyo only felt bad now that she had shown her sadistic tendency to her suitors too early on the meetings –none of them resorted back to her.

"You actually look different this time," her brother commented as they walked into the exclusive and private tea house on which the Omiai would take place that day. Shigeshige had been very apologetic for his inability to resist their aunts' request to wed Soyo. As compensation and despite his busy schedule, for the past four months he always came to assist and accompany Soyo in these Omiais –instead of leaving it to their aunts completely.

"I'm not sure about this one. As always," Soyo said as her thought travelled back to the photograph of this month's suitor –a man from a very elite clan with a bright future…who was at least six years younger than her. "But I've promised myself not to be difficult all the time. I'd give this one a try. So long that you can guarantee I will not be prosecuted for pedophilia, of course, Aniue-sama."

Shigeshige laughed a little at that but still walked by Soyo's side on the corridor of the tea house. The house attendant told Shigeshige and Soyo that the suitor was already waiting and tried to confirm whether the female family party would want to have some time first, since the marriage interview meeting was not scheduled until two in the afternoon and there was still 15 minutes left.

"I'd like to just get this over with the soonest, Aniue-sama," Soyo expressed as she followed the attendant to the meeting room. "Though I promise, this time I'd really behave and try to give this kiddo a chance."

"I have interviewed this boy myself before actually," Shigeshige told his sister just before the attendant opened the door for them to enter. "I don't know what you'd think of him, but I think this one can be the one."

Soyo suppressed the urge to laugh and humiliate her brother in front of the attendant. She really was getting more skeptical on that day's Omiai. Why must it when she just set her mind to take this matchmaking seriously that her partner turned out to be a boy probably still in his identity crisis? All in all, she promised, and she would do this well.

Shigeshige walked in front of her, followed by Soyo's oldest aunt, and Soyo herself tailed the other two.

"Good afternoon," Shigeshige announced after the doors were slid open. "I know the meeting is not yet to be convened until two, but we believe starting early would give both families more chance to get to know each other better. Therefore, we hope your side does not mind if we start early."

"No worries, I, myself, am too impatient from meeting the famous Tokugawa Soyo."

And Soyo froze.

Shigeshige and her aunt had taken a seat on the floor mats in front of them, giving her, who was still by the doorway, the undisturbed view of the groom candidate and his family. The man on his left was a tall and rather bulky man (who, despite having shaved his beard and tied his shaggy-cut sandy hair, still looked like he was from a mafia family); and the woman on his right was a slim and confident-looking young woman with long, reddish orange hair who smirked at Soyo rather triumphantly.

And the man on the middle, her supposed suitor… photographs really did the trick, huh? Last time Soyo checked the suitor's photograph and resume, he was supposed to be a bratty high school kid who thought he could buy anything with his father's money.

Not this man, certainly not this man, whose long hair was braided neatly, who wore a smart business suit, and whose blue eyes had captivated her long time ago, and whose smile always looked so genuine, so happy, so effortlessly making her stomach churn everytime she saw it.

Soyo's lips quivered. The attendant had closed the door behind her and she was the only one still standing among the other five occupants of the room. What kind of joke was being played for her? No one ever told her this –not every single person in that room had prepared her for this! Soyo shifted her gaze from the sight of her ex husband, his sister and his caretaker, and moved her glance at her brother.

With voice coated in utter disbelief, Soyo stuttered when she asked her brother –who was sipping tea as if there was nothing wrong in this whole situation. "A-Aniue-sama?! What the hell is going on?! What is this?!"

"Soyo, I told you to refrain yourself from using such harsh language," hissed her aunt.

Soyo had her attention fully directed at her aunt. Fine. She could accept if her brother was just being idiotic, just being her brother. But her aunt?! The most influential woman in the Tokugawa Family who strongly opposed to her marriage with Kamui back then, was actually involved in this and…actually looked accepting to it?!

In fact, the involvement of the others had been as extremely questionable as well. Abuto had always been kind of neutral and a come-what-may type of person, but this kind of thing must have been troublesome to him (especially shaving his beard). Kagura was the most vocal in expressing her opposition of her brother and her best friend's matrimony. And Kamui himself… with all those nonchalant attitudes he had ever since their divorce… was this really a way to pass some time for him?!

Soyo did not dare to think of whatever evil scheme was being played on her. Just when she promised herself to move on, just when she promised to get her life back…

"This is going too far," she whispered to herself, eyes wide in disbelief. "This is going too far, and it's cruel, and I'm not taking any part of this joke and I'm leaving now," she declared in stutters, turning her back against the other occupants of the room.

Her brother stopped her before she could take one foot out of the room.

"Soyo, it's not polite to walk out of an Omiai before even greeting and getting to know your suitor," Shigeshige calmly stated. "And you promised me that you'd behave and really give this man a chance."

Soyo felt like she wanted to scream and shake her brother's shoulders then and there and caused a commotion in this already non-sensible situation. But one steady gaze given by her brother was all it took to make Soyo heave a long sigh and sit down on the middle seat –facing her very own former husband in an attempt of finding a new husband. What a joke. At least she could just look down at the table instead of looking at him.

Soyo tried to shut her ears, because she did not want to hear his voice, or his story. Her aunt did most of the questioning, and despite not really _wanting_ to hear it, the information flowed to her like a stream of merciless knowledge: how Kamui had been doing all these times along, how he had secured himself a better living, how he, _apparently_ had spent more than the past one year to actually visit each and every member of the Tokugawa family behind her back –introducing himself properly, persuading them, trying to get their acknowledgement…

And the only Tokugawa that he refused to meet voluntarily all along had been her, only her.

There was unprecedented laughter in the room –her aunt laughed the hardest reminiscing the story when Kamui tried to talk to her aunt's deaf husband. Even her aunt affectionately chuckled at Kamui's story when he expressed how he got away with all the misunderstanding back then. The sight of her aunt laughing with Kamui would have warranted a bad omen back then as it had been close to being entirely impossible. But ha, look at them now. Even Kagura acted as if nothing was wrong and she actually made a rather fond joke out of her brother. Soyo felt it was unjust how she was the one not seeing anything funny out of any of this.

Soyo had felt like this was not her place. And no matter how her family had warmed up to him, her heart remained cold. These stories felt foreign, his efforts were unthinkable, and despite all the years she thought she had known him, she felt like this time, she did not know him.

"I've heard enough," Soyo declared softly after more than an hour bearing it all up. Standing up, she glanced at Shigeshige and said, "I think I've paid my respect longer than I should, Aniue-sama. Please excuse me."

"Soyo –" Shigeshige spoke up and tried to prevent his sister from leaving, but even her dear brother could not stop her from reaching out the door and trying to open it and –

"You're always a hassle, aren't you?" Kamui called out.

Stopping dead on her track, Soyo let her palm drop to her side. Still facing the door and backing him, she then chuckled darkly. "Excuse me?" she inquired without looking back.

"You're a hassle," Kamui repeated, not seemingly afraid of the fact that he had just insulted his prospective wife in front of her own family. "You think too much. You're no fun."

Soyo scoffed and finally turned around and saw him, looked _into_ him for the first time after so long. With disbelief, she spoke back to her ex husband. "Well, contrary to your belief, Kamui, someone _needs_ to assume that role. Someone needs to be mature enough to think over this…this childish game you're playing. And if that's not going to be you, then I'm going to be the rational one and assume the role."

Soyo laughed. She did not find the situation funny, but she still _had to_ laugh. This was ridiculous. Kamui was ridiculous. It was not working, she knew it. She did not know why Kamui even bothered playing this game, and why he was playing this game now –of all time, because it was over, and it was too late, and –

"It's not too late," Kamui confirmed, now standing up as well –forgetting the other four pair of eyes that were staring at him, forgetting the others, and focusing on one girl and one girl only.

"Not too late for what?! For repeating the same mistake again?!" her tone rose.

"Not too late for fixing up our mistakes," he clarified. "Or at least, my mistake."

She helplessly sighed. Soyo was tired, couldn't he see that she was fucking tired? "And why now? Why _now_ , of all times?"

"Because at least I had the audacity to admit I _didn't_ deserve you," Kamui said, a ghostly smile made it to his face. "Imagine. A boy out of nowhere, kinda infamous for being an irresponsible player, out of the blue and without due courtesy to the family, decided to take away the last daughter of a respectable family…I understand now why your family never approved it. I wasn't good enough for you but now –"

"Now you think you deserve me?" Soyo countered.

His eyes never chose other person to haunt –always her, it was always his gaze that haunted her, never letting her go. "And now you deserve to feel happiness once again."

"With you?" her tone was harsh, but she really was not buying him. "It would not work. It did not work, and there's no reason why it would work in anyway."

"You wouldn't know until you try it," he said with a casual smirk.

Soyo used to love that smirk of him, that confidence, that idleness. Now she felt like she wanted to rip that smirk off his face. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. Kamui always loved to drive her crazy, then, now, always. Soyo cast her gaze around to request help from the other occupants of the room, but to her dismay, it appeared that the other four had left the room through the other door –and there was only him and Kamui, and nothing else, no one else.

She could not run.

Ha. As if she ever could.

Kamui knew this and he bridged himself to her. Circling the table, he slowly walked to her. She was tempted to scream for help, to blast the door open and run, but she couldn't.

Not when he was looking at her that way –the same youthful looking eyes which always carried the same determination, the calmness of his eyes that always pursued what he wanted.

He stopped before her and she wished like she was not bound by his magnet when he knelt in front of her.

A little box was raised by his hand and he opened it to reveal a small ring –this time, with a quick glance, she knew the size was right.

But _the whole thing_ was still not right and she chose to be cynical over everything.

"What's the ring for? To bribe me?" Soyo accused tonelessly.

He grinned that boyish grin of his and spoke. "Exactly. It's a bribe. To have another life where we would fight over who got to take the shower first. To have you annoyed by my snores every night again. To have us stay locked up in the corridor for forty minutes because I always forget where I put our key," he paused. "To have us bought a new coffee table again because you always break them when you reached your orgas –"

"We're not talking about this!" Soyo shrieked, her ears were burning in embarrassment.

"But mainly," Kamui smiled. "It's a bribe for you to forgive me, and to give me a second chance."

She stared at him murderously. Even Kamui laughed tonelessly and gulped nervously. "W-well, I know that it's a lot to ask, and all the rings in the world would probably not suffice for your forgiveness but Soyo, I… really –"

"It did not work," Soyo repeated, her tone was softer, but the reality behind it was always colder. "You _know_ it did not work. We will always go into the same cycle again. We would just argue over the bills –"

"With no family to blacklist me from my job, I'm confident that won't be a problem," Kamui said earnestly.

Soyo still tried. "You would be bored. Now you just think of this as a challenge, but you'd be bored eventually and –"

"You're a hassle more than a challenge, to be honest," Kamui said and Soyo widened her eyes at his honesty. "But so what? I still want to marry you despite that."

"Why?" Soyo asked, and repeated the same question she asked him years ago. "Why do you want to marry me?"

"Because although you're always a hassle, you're not whiny," Kamui stated. "Because although you cannot iron my shirts properly, you are patient enough to clean the strands of our hairs that clogged the bathroom. Because you're tone deaf and it always gives me enough amusement whenever we go to karaoke."

Soyo glared at him with an almost serious intention to hurt him. Bad.

Kamui was not affected. "Because you could be hysteric at times, but you're always hot when you're mad."

"That's not the kind of reason why one would marry another, Idiot."

Kamui smiled at the way Soyo called him. "Because we're both young, and we make mistakes, and we are both idiot, and stupid, and reckless. And yet, despite how troublesome a marriage with you is –and believe me, I've experienced it first hand – there is no other woman I'd want to spend the rest of my life with other than you."

…

There was a pathetic nostalgia to that moment at the busy Chinese restaurant where he proposed to her years ago. That one, it had not been an ideal proposal. This time, it had not been marginally better (well, the ring looked nicer now, but still…) because even when the place was better, and he was in a better condition, it was still…them. And Soyo knew, and she had experienced a failed marriage with him once. She had silently been afraid back then, but she was more afraid now because if she gave this one a try and it did not work out _again_ , she would not have any heart left to even crush. The stake was higher, the bid was wilder, the risk was scarier…

Kamui seemed to take these all: her gesture, her whimpers, her fear… everything into account. He placed his palm on her hand, and sighed in relief when she didn't pull away.

"I'm not asking you to marry me right away, Soyo. But at least… give me a second chance?"

* * *

Soyo did not give Kamui that second chance.

…

At least not immediately. She thought that since she had been _extremely difficult_ to her past suitors, she should have at least given them enough respect by not going easy on this one (and _never_ was Kamui an easy one). The persistence courting lasted for another year –and this time, Kamui had to assure not only Soyo, but also her entire family, properly. Sometimes she wanted him to stop; sometimes she wanted him to believe that this was not working, and since she was not sure if she could think that way (because a voice in her heart would always give him those endless chances), she wanted him to give up.

But Kamui never gave up.

And as sadistic as she was in her requests, she found herself exhaling a relieved sigh whenever she found him coming back, again, always.

She accepted his second proposal eventually.

It was not perfect. She knew she was not perfect, she knew he was not perfect. Their first marriage had been far from being perfect, and there was no guarantee that this, that their second marriage would be successful.

Kamui might have gotten the size of her ring right this time, but he still had the old habit of never closing the toilet door when he was inside. Soyo might have been able to iron his shirts neater this time around, but she still forgot where she kept his socks and he ended up always coming late to work. Kamui might still have been paranoid of having a child of their own, but he had promised that they could try it spring next year –and Kamui promised only things he would genuinely carry out. Soyo still had her fears and insecurity and she actually realized that she was actually not as fun and easygoing as she had perceived herself to be –to which Kamui only replied with another nonchalant shrug (" _I know._ _But so what?_ ").

Sometimes it worked, other times it did not. Sometimes he lost his temper at her, sometimes she was being difficult to him. Sometimes they were late in paying the bills. Sometimes the Tokugawa family still had them under scrutiny. Sometimes Kagura came over and recited 17 reasons why they had to divorce (again). Sometimes this second marriage felt like a mistake, sometimes it felt like an impulsive gesture, sometimes it felt like a forced situation, sometimes it really felt like it was not working out.

But every time, _every single time,_ neither Kamui nor Soyo was willing to give it up.

"Aren't you afraid sometimes?" Soyo asked Kamui one day, as the latter was kneeling in front of her and listening to the tiniest heartbeat inside her womb. She chuckled. Kamui's paranoia of having a child was really… only a proof that he was one damn overprotective father-to-be.

Kamui rested his head on her lap. "…of what?"

"Of youth," Soyo asked. "Of how reckless and daring it makes us feel. Like…" she trailed. "Like we could very much be making a mistake, but because we are both airheads, we do not know it is a mistake."

"…Sometimes," he agreed, before he slowly lifted his head from her lap and looked up at her. "But seriously, Soyo. It's good that we're both young and stupid. We need…" he smiled at the realization. "…A little bit of insanity to stand each other, to be honest."

Soyo laughed, and Kamui thought that he could live to hear that laugh everyday. He stared at her, and when she smiled at him, he smiled back. There was something unexplainably fun about the way everything was –even when staring at each other was not supposed to be _fun._ But Kamui thought it was fun, and more than that, it was fulfilling, it was sufficient and appropriate, and everything was right, and it fitted –this time he just knew it fitted. Kamui was always honest with his feelings so he told Soyo that he loved her.

There was this embarrassed poke of disbelief she gave him, but Kamui only buried his face on her lap again. "But really, Soyo," he murmured to her lap. "I seriously meant that," he muttered to himself and promised –for them, for youth, for the lesson, for second chance, and mostly...

…for eternity.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

A/n: Phew, thanks for reading this… 31-page long fanfic, I hope you can enjoy it! It turns out to be sappier than my usual preference, but I hope it's still acceptable.

And as outdated and as mainstream as it is, Taylor Swift's "Mine" has been my official soundtrack when I'm writing this fanfic. I'm not even Swiftie, but the song (and the music video, especially) gives me enough feels to write this story –in case you want to (re)check the song.

Edited: Special thanks to Jann who helped me revise a couple of things here!


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